I realized today that I didn't update this the entire month of October. It's now been 16 1/2 weeks since surgery. Kind of hard for me to believe that it's been that long as it's always on my mind. Because of that I feel like the time has really flown by. The last four weeks have been a challenge. I came out of the brace at 12 weeks and was so excited to really get moving with physical therapy that I ended up doing more damage then good. I felt good and being out of the brace was so freeing. Walking, exercising, strengthening were all so much easier without the brace that it gave me a false sense of wellness. Unfortunately by the end of the first two weeks I was in an incredible amount of pain again. I pulled a groin muscle, further aggravated the constant discomfort in my left shoulder which has been partially frozen from the brace and the most painful part was that I developed tendinitis in my right hip abductor. All of this kind of seemed to hit me overnight and side lined me from therapy for over a week. Since that time I am slowly getting back to where I was before the problems started and continue to go to Physical therapy twice per week and do my home program on the other days. Lesson learned?
This week I am seeing my surgeon and I am anxious to hear what his thoughts are on my progress and if he feels I can attempt to return to work in some capacity. This has literally kept me up at night as the time draws nearer. I know how physical my job is and how low my endurance and strength still are. I know that I need to return to work yet my body struggles to keep up with my mind. Again a case of feeling like I can do things before I truly can. I am hoping that between myself, my employer and my surgeon we can come up with a plan for my return.
These last few weeks I've been tearful, restless and scared about the future. I worry, I worry all the time that people expect me to be better than I am. No one says that nor do I think they would but having a invisible illness if you will is very trying. I try to keep up a brave face and a smile but it is oh so tiring. A case of wishing you could let someone step into your shoes for one day. Today I spoke for 90 minutes with a lady who needs the same surgery that I had. Oh how I wish I had someone ahead of time to prepare me for what was to come. I was brutally honest with her, not to scare her but to prepare her to go into this knowing how hard it was going to be. There is just no information out there to be had. This is not a common surgery in adults therefor the information and support is just not available
It's a long, long road and I constantly need to remind myself how far I have come.
